Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive? Read online

sports car 73

  Reinhardt, Django 172

  Rex the dog 162

  Richard, Cliff 36

  Riverdance 170

  Rivers, Bartholomew 275

  Rix, Brian 18

  roads 153–8

  road deaths 158

  Rolleston, TW 210

  Romans 199

  Ropewalk 173

  Rothman’s Football Yearbook 189

  Rowland, Kevin 172

  Ruey 73, 144

  Rum, Sodomy and the Lash 2

  Ryan Air 102–3

  Ryan’s Daughter 160, 166

  Saatchi, Charles 192

  St. Patrick’s Day 166

  Scandinavian backpackers 136

  Scandinavian tourists 161, 168, 171, 178, 181

  Scotty 244

  sea urchin boogie policeman 95

  Seahorse, The (Tramore) 275

  seaweed 277

  Secombe, Harry 173

  ‘Second Fiddle’ 227

  second worst road in Ireland 95

  ‘Send Me the Pillow You Dream On’ 227

  Setanta 135

  sex 6, 39, 285

  sex with a goose 192, 195

  shag 47

  shag and an acid tab, a 47

  Shaggy the dog 162, 285

  shamrock 246

  Shankley, Bill 141, 174

  Shannon, Sharon 55, 116

  Shatner, William 214

  Shepherds Bush 23

  Shibboleth (Donaghy) 165

  shitfaced drunk 63

  short – haired trendy buggers 74

  Singing Leprechaun Liberation Front 282

  Sinn Féin 20

  skinheads 78, 112

  skinny blonde girls in jeans 82

  Sligo 174, 208–232

  Sligo Dog Spirit 221

  Smalley, Mark 189–90

  Snake 127

  snow dome leprechauns 246

  Son Volt 41

  speccy internet bloke 166

  Special Brew 186

  Spinners, The 173, 178

  Star Trek 82

  Starsky & Hutch 92

  Stiles, Nobby 189

  Strangers on a Train 184

  Streep, Meryl 120, 196

  Strummer, Joe 176, 282

  Subteranneans, The 163

  Sullivan, Mark 126

  Superquinns sausages 26–7

  Swansea-Cork ferry 36

  Sweeney, The 175

  swirly patterns 135

  Tallaght (Dublin) 49–50

  Tara (County Meath) 134, 139

  Tayto 26

  Ted 241–43, 245

  telepathy and ‘special’ mind powers 36

  Temple Bar (Dublin) 51, 73, 78

  Terry 17–19, 33–37, 49, 188

  Teutonic biker chic 135

  Texas 267

  Thatcher, Margaret 285

  Day The Earth Stood Still, The 182

  Thompson, Hunter S. 36

  Thurles (Co. Tippererary) 115

  Tiger, Celtic 24, 45, 88

  Tippererary 120–127

  Tir na nóg 169

  Toby 244

  Tog 36

  Tolly 4x 189

  tombola 20

  Tone, Wolfe 81

  Topical Times football annual 190

  tractor/pheasant connection 155, 158

  tractors 61, 106, 155–6

  trains 118–121

  Tramore (County Waterford) 139, 273–282

  tramps 15–16

  Trevor, William 281

  Trim (County Meath) 137

  Trinity College (Dublin) 162

  Trumpton 174

  Tuatha de Danaan 89, 123

  Tufnell Park 232

  Turner, Martyn 191

  TV 230, 233, 239–40, 246

  tweed 247

  twiddlieidiesleee 21

  u2 27, 79, 88, 176

  u Boat 212

  UCD 162

  UEA 164

  Ulster 47

  Ulysses (Joyce) 21, 112, 163

  unfit brickies 11

  Union Jack 235

  United Irishmen 131

  universe, the 55, 127

  USA 246

  Usual Suspects, The 242

  Uther Pendragon 169

  Vauxhall Corsa 13, 14, 25, 38, 51, 95, 99, 266–72, 273

  Van Zandt, Townes 41

  Vikings 73, 74, 76, 77, 102, 113, 266, 282

  Village People 97

  Velvet Underground 174

  village idiots 195

  Venglos, Josef 203

  Venezuela 209

  Waiting for Godot (Beckett)220

  Waits, Tom 244

  Wales 282

  Walking with Wainwright (Wainwright) 213

  Walthamstow xiii, 23

  Waterford 27, 63, 122, 139, 282

  Waterford Crystal 279–80

  Welch, Raquel 46

  West Ham FC 25

  West Midlands 41

  Westway 277

  Wexford 128

  whack-fol-de-daddio 170

  Whelan, Ronnie 143

  ‘When Irish Eyes Are Smiling’ 19, 21, 36–38, 46, 49, 80, 96, 103, 282

  When Saturday Comes (cult football mag) 70, 72

  When Saturday Comes (crap film) 70

  Wickham Park 85

  wild-haired colleens 72

  Wilde, Oscar 189

  William of Orange T-shirt 238

  Wish You Were Here 70

  Wobble, Jah 176

  Woman in White, The (Collins) 75

  World Cup 6, 44, 56, 87, 145, 274

  worst road in Ireland 95

  Yamaha 50cc motorcycles 67

  Yeats;

  Jack B. 81;

  Ron 82, 174;

  WB 54, 119, 135, 188, 209, 221, 222–235

  Yellow Submarine 34

  Youghal (County Cork) 266–272

  Zag 54

  Zig 54

  ZZ Top 135

  Solutions

  ACROSS

  1. Waterford

  6. Garda

  9. Lapse

  10. Agnostics

  11. Stereogram

  12. Anti

  14. Dearths

  15. Kildare

  17. Boycott

  19. Iron Gut

  20. Ivan

  22. Father Jack

  25. Broadloom

  26. Prawn

  27. Yeats

  28. Moneyless

  DOWN

  1. Wales

  2. Tipperary

  3. Re-election

  4. Oranges

  5. Dundalk

  6. Gist

  7. Reign

  8. Abstinent

  13. Oleography

  14. Dublin Bay

  16. Aggravate

  18. Tearoom

  19. Inhuman

  21. Avoca

  23. Kings

  24. Odds

  Acknowledgements

  To start with, I have to thank Annie, the real traveller, for years of encouragement and belief (even when I lived in Walthamstow), and without whom none of this would have happened.

  Next, at the risk of coming over all Tom Hanksish, there are countless others who’ve helped me along the way. I’d like to thank various people in Ireland for their hospitality and help – Deidre, Rachel, Jackie, Bernie, Ted, Declan and the gang, Sarah for her knowledge of ‘culture’, The Balinteer-St Johns women’s Gaelic Football team for showing me the benefits of dedication and strong thighs, Arthur Guinness for a clever invention, Michael for his knowledge of hurling, Marie McCraith for advice, Ronnie Matthews for his time, Tom Matthews (no relation) for his art, Seamus McGonagle (even if it’s probably not his real name) for being there red faced and plastered that day in Dublin back in ’88. Thanks to Bill and Helen for putting me up (and up with me) for so many years. And also to those who preferred not to be mentioned (whether for tax, moral or emotional reasons) – thanks anyway.

  Closer to home: thanks to Terry for an overall creative vibe and telepathic transference of id
eas (and the crossword), Pat, also for the crossword, Sarah, Lady Blathery, for help with Irish pubs, Spizz and Karen for feeding me as I strained to finish the first draft, Ian Plenderleith for years of inspiration and for words of encouragement at crucial times, my parents Rhona and Tony for setting me on my way (and Tone for passing on his great knowledge of Irish accents over the years), my brothers Toby and Matt (Snake) for travels we’ve shared, Dom and Seth Weir and Jo Ackerman for the all-important Finty & Rollo project, Brendan for putting it all in perspective, Alan Marshall, Jane Rylands-Bolton, Rob Conybeare, Julie Taylor, Gordon Thorburn, Justin Mullins and Michael Donaghy for coaching and guidance over the years, Tony Davis for making me look like an alcoholic U-Boat captain, Rich for the lend of the coat, Elaine in Paris for help and advice, Philip Gwyn Jones for his belief, Georgina Laycock for her help (and her interesting name), Richard Hawkes, an early cartoon patron, Mike O’Donnell from the Institute of Celtic Studies. I am ever grateful to Andy Lyons and Doug Cheeseman at When Saturday Comes for continuing to give me bits of work even while I was off on my travels. Plus all my friends – genuine Irish and Irish by osmosis – who threw ideas my way over the years.

  To Cindy for her love and support and for picking me up at the lowest points and washing the ink off my hands. And finally, thanks to Cathleen, for getting me up in the mornings and helping me realise that the rest of it is just ‘stuff’.

  About the Author

  Tim Bradford was born and brought up in Lincolnshire. He studied at the University of East Anglia and has lived in London since 1988. A large proportion of his adult life has been spent drawing players with very short legs for the football magazine When Saturday Comes. He has fused together a philosophy of life based around Epicurian socialism, astral projection, bacon sandwiches, Victorian domestic architecture, Leeds United, traditional brewing practices and country music.

  www.timbradford.com

  Praise

  More from the reviews:

  ‘An irreverent and funny book which will have you laughing into your Guinness’

  What’s On

  ‘The title is taken from a chance encounter at Camden tube station with a man whose death has been greatly exaggerated and yet fervently expected. This tempts Bradford into making an odyssey of sorts around Ireland. A book like this could so easily slip into whimsy, but Bradford’s book is good-humoured, clever and well written. He takes on Ireland on its own terms, never patronises nor indulges his subject matter. He breaks Ireland up into imaginary zones. Dublin is Viking Town, the Midlands, for reasons best known to the author, is Orange County; the south is Maryland after the moving statues at Ballinspittle. The book is interspersed with animations, which will make you laugh out loud – like the map of Ireland depicting areas of heavy rainfall – the entire island, of course. It’s worth buying for his hilarious and accurate descriptions of Oirish theme pubs alone. Enjoy.’

  ri-ra

  ‘Determinedly and flatulently funny.’

  Irish Bookseller

  ‘Bradford sets himself up as a cod Kerouac and his ambitious and spumily garrulous, itinerary takes in the mystical garages of Youghal, the Curragh of Kildare, a cultural tour with a female Gaelic footballer and a spot of sticking out the thumb with the spottiest hitchhiker in Europe. Much of quintessential Ireland, of course, isn’t in Ireland, and Bradford does the Kentish Town and Kilburn pub crawl too.’

  Glasgow Herald

  ‘Okay, before we go any further, it’s honesty time: do you know who Shane MacGowan is? If you do, you may well love this bizarre book. If you don’t – or if you think that a Pogue might be an outsize bouncy ball or some sort of Irish potato pancake – then this might be for you but only if you are in the mood to expand your range of cultural references … The real reason for Bradford’s journey is a desire to drink large amounts of Guinness, kiss the Blarney stone – and any passing female – to put his finger on the essence of Irishness and live to tell the tale. (As, indeed, has Shane MacGowan. Just.)… There are plenty of reasons to read Is Shane MacGowan Still Alive? He’s funny, for a start and his love of drinking makes him perfectly suited to explore at least one time-honoured aspect of Irish culture. In the end though, as Tony Hawks before him in Round Ireland with a Fridge, Bradford turns his eye just as well to things beyond the bar.’

  Sunday Times

  ‘A rambling, tongue-firmly-in-cheek look at Ireland, Irishness beyond Ireland and nationality in general … rampant and funny.’

  BBM

  ‘A good (and pertinent) odyssey in search of the authentic Ireland.’

  Venue

  ‘A superb and positively hilarious book which adds a liberal helping of cynicism to the portrayal of folk singers in bars, vomiting tourists, and moving statues. As much fun as a night’s pub crawl round Dublin. Well, almost.’

  Manchester Evening News

  About the Publisher

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  HarperCollins Canada

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  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

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  www.harpercollins.co.uk

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  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

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